My sub-title is "A day in the Life". Lupus isn't just who I am or consume me. There is more to me. I'm a woman, mother, sister, daughter, wife, and best friend.
This is the mother portion of me:
I don't mention it or haven't talked about it, but I also have two adult daughters who live out of state. I was a teenage bride and married for 11 years. My ex-husband and I became closer after we were divorced and I think that goes to say for most divorced people; at least the most that I know. Unfortunately, my ex-husband was taken from us too soon (03.18.09). For those that survived his death it was a horrible way to go.
As you can imagine my daughters were distraught about his death, as I was. You might ask yourself why was I upset by his death. He and I became closer after our divorce and I cared for him and loved him as the father of our children. He and I had that ever lasting tie.
Each person grieves differently and you don't know how that person will handle a situation until everything is settled. The mourning process doesn't stop after the funeral or after the first missed Christmas, the first missed birthday, the first missed Father's Day. Each year it does get easier, but the mourning continues.
I realized that each daughter has grieved differently too. My youngest daughter has always been the sensitive type yet she holds everything in and tells you everything is fine.Yet, she excels in everything. My oldest daughter outwardly grieves and tells you everything is fine yet you know nothing is fine.She's very fickle too. She has a very hard time finding her place and knowing what she wants to do; yet she knows what she wants. If that makes any sense. It made sense as I wrote it, but I don't know if it'll make sense to those that read this.
Three years ago, after my ex passed, I suggested that my oldest seek therapy. As a mother you just know when "things" don't seem right. But, you can only make the suggestion you can't force it.
The years have passed and you notice the changes as the seasons change. Times change and so does she. You try to speak to her and it doesn't matter. You wish you could do something but you can't. You console your closest friends and they tell you to give her time. You even speak to your mother, who you're very close to; but you don't get anywhere.
She's now seeing a therapist; once a week. I'm thankful of that. There's other underlying issues at hand that need attention too. This didn't happen over night and it's not going to get better over night. The process will be long.
How can "you" support a lupus support group and be an advocate when you can't help your own daughter? I feel so helpless sometimes. So alone in this.
This is the mother portion of me:
I don't mention it or haven't talked about it, but I also have two adult daughters who live out of state. I was a teenage bride and married for 11 years. My ex-husband and I became closer after we were divorced and I think that goes to say for most divorced people; at least the most that I know. Unfortunately, my ex-husband was taken from us too soon (03.18.09). For those that survived his death it was a horrible way to go.
As you can imagine my daughters were distraught about his death, as I was. You might ask yourself why was I upset by his death. He and I became closer after our divorce and I cared for him and loved him as the father of our children. He and I had that ever lasting tie.
Each person grieves differently and you don't know how that person will handle a situation until everything is settled. The mourning process doesn't stop after the funeral or after the first missed Christmas, the first missed birthday, the first missed Father's Day. Each year it does get easier, but the mourning continues.
I realized that each daughter has grieved differently too. My youngest daughter has always been the sensitive type yet she holds everything in and tells you everything is fine.Yet, she excels in everything. My oldest daughter outwardly grieves and tells you everything is fine yet you know nothing is fine.She's very fickle too. She has a very hard time finding her place and knowing what she wants to do; yet she knows what she wants. If that makes any sense. It made sense as I wrote it, but I don't know if it'll make sense to those that read this.
Three years ago, after my ex passed, I suggested that my oldest seek therapy. As a mother you just know when "things" don't seem right. But, you can only make the suggestion you can't force it.
The years have passed and you notice the changes as the seasons change. Times change and so does she. You try to speak to her and it doesn't matter. You wish you could do something but you can't. You console your closest friends and they tell you to give her time. You even speak to your mother, who you're very close to; but you don't get anywhere.
She's now seeing a therapist; once a week. I'm thankful of that. There's other underlying issues at hand that need attention too. This didn't happen over night and it's not going to get better over night. The process will be long.
How can "you" support a lupus support group and be an advocate when you can't help your own daughter? I feel so helpless sometimes. So alone in this.
No comments:
Post a Comment