Doctor, Doctor Give Me the News, I've Got a Bad Case of the Lupus Blues.

I used to be one of those people who at the end of the year would come up with a plan to change something in my life so that when we rang in the new year, I'd have a resolution to adhere to. Well, that sort of changed a few years ago. As I became older, I stopped those "traditions". But, this year, I had been talking about it again and after many months of talking about changing my eating habits, I finally did so in April.

When you have a chronic illness, feeling good comes at rare times, so feeling good is important to me. I still remember those silly commercials I used to see a kid, and it really made me think. Eating right and healthy foods is so important and more so when you have lupus or any type of chronic disease.

It's been a little more than weeks since I've given everything up but vegetables, fruits, granola, yogurt, water, and beans (pinto, red, and black). It's amazing how full and fulfilled I am eating all of this and how creative a person can become eating this food. It's so important to me to have a quality life since I'm stuck with this disease for the rest of my life, so we might as well enjoy each other in the mean time. 

I like to think that positive thinking and being optimistic, and surrounding yourself with the right people can play a big part in you feeling good as well. When you get rid of the negativity it feels like a load has been lifted from you. With that being said, you almost feel like everything is going to be alright and that you begin to feel better; not that you're healed, but you're beginning to feel better.

Since all of this has taken place, I have been able to slowly get back into working out; slowly....But, doing that has also resulted in my joints feeling like I'm an old vehicle that hasn't had it's breaks replaced EVER. Like the padding is just not there. In the Lupus world that is called synovial fluid. So, when that feeling happens, I know it's time to slow down or back off for a bit.

Monday I had my follow up with my rheumatologist. During the assessment, he's listening to my lungs and I explain that I'm still having the rib pain and lung pain. During this time he explains that my lungs and ribs are now being taken over by Lupus; which is a commonality of lupus patients. The rib inflammation is Costochondritis and the lung inflammation is part of pleurisy. The fun part is I've been on a Beta-Blocker and it helps stop the wonderful heart palpitation(s) that lupus now gives me.  My rheumy is hoping that the infusion (Benlysta) is going to begin to help me as well as I am!

Today, I find out that my labs, CBC, Chem Panel, Compliments, Urine Analysis all come back so bad that I need to repeat them on Friday. The irony of this is that when you think you're improving you're really in bad shape.

My mom once said to me, "How can you not be depressed when you're sick all of the time"? That resonates with me all of the time because it's so true.

So, when people look at me and wonder why I look like I'm not sick and why I'm in make-up, my hair is done, and I'm dressed nice; it's because I know I'm feeling like death inside. It may take me 2+ hours to get ready in the morning to look the way I do, but I do it because most days are bad days and my days are limited to how many more days I can keep doing this so I am going to make the most out of it.